Judgement Day

No, I'm not talking about Terminator 2. Yes, this was a fabulous movie involving a talking Arnold Schwarzenegger, and some fantastically amazing special effects (that shape shifting dude, awesome) but I'm really talking about the OTHER kind of judgement. And, for some odd reason, maybe because the year 1991 is forever burned in my conscious memory as "a really interesting year" whenever someone starts talking about "Judgement", the first thing that pops into my head is "Judgement Day" and a really buff Arnold kicking some robot keister all over the silver screen.

But, no, I'm not here writing about the Governator (who would have thought??!!) or the Terminator franchise, but the more general topic of judgement. And I'm going to recycle something here that I posted on an internet group because I promised myself I'd try for at least ONE post a month, and this actually could qualifiy as "a post". Yeah, lazy. I am sure the 3.2 individuals who regularly read my writing will feel cheated.

Anyway,

This was in response to someone asking for advice on how to be less judgmental about others, specifically with our very human tendency to pick apart the way we follow Judaism (or any other religion for that matter). And although I am by no means perfect, or over this little destructive habit myself, here is a collection of things I've learned in my 41 years of walking this Earth. And although the original post was about how to judge others who believe differently than we do, I believe we can apply the ideas to pretty much any difference that divides us.

In no particular order, here are some of the things I have realized over the years that have helped me focus and be less judgmental.

#1 I am totally and utterly wrong about at least some of the things I firmly believe right now.

Yes, time has shown me again and again that some of my most firmly held beliefs actually turn out to be totally, and utterly, and absolutely, and ridiculously wrong. Not being vocal and judgmental saves me the horrible experience of having to eat my words (or my thoughts). Now I MAY be right, but, there is also a good chance I am not. And I won’t know for sure until I stand before my creator. So, in the meantime a little humility is a good thing. I am very fortunate that some of my amazing, long standing, incredible friends did not hold grudges over some of the things I did and said to them because I thought I was right. Almost, without exception, I’d like to take those things back.

#2 What I believe now may not bear any resemblance to what I believe ten years from now.

Ten years ago I was a practicing Catholic. Five years ago I was an atheist. Now I'm an orthodox Jew. ‘nuff said on that front. However, this is ALSO true of those other people who have in your life who are bringing on those judgmental feelings. What THEY believe now, probably won’t be the same as what they are going to believe in ten years. And, let’s assume you ARE right (however see #1), if the creator gave you the job of reaching these people then you are going to do a whole lot better job of things if you love them for who and what they are RIGHT NOW, and let Hashem take care of the rest. Belief is a journey. Where I am right now is not where I will be in ten years. And, that is the same of every single one of us here. And, that is healthy. And, there WILL be times when the observant among us want to toss everything to the trash, and there probably will ALSO be times when the more liberal of us start to find beauty in observance. Never say never. My experience is that Hashem delights in making me eat those particular words.

#3 I cannot possibly know what is going on behind the closed doors of someone else’s life.

Need I elaborate? For this one, let me post a link to one of my favorite of my friend Aliza’s previous articles.

http://www.frumsatire.net/2009/09/16/the-rastafarian-beret-and-other-adventures-in-hair-covering/

P.S. I am not posting this so you can say “SEE I told you covering your hair after marriage was STUPID!!” I am posting this because its’ an example of a mitzvah that seems so simple on the outside, that Aliza REALLY wanted to do, but couldn’t because of her health. And, ALL those judgmental people (and there have been many) who have berated her privately and publicly for NOT covering have no idea. They didn’t bother to walk in her shoes (or her hair) before casting judgment. And thanks Aliza for letting me shamelessly steal your writing to make a point. Every time I feel like passing judgment on someone I stop, take a deep breath, and repeat the old adage “Walk a mile in their shoes” over and over to myself until the urge passes.

#4 Feeling that I need to pick apart someone else is a sign that *I* am not in a good place emotionally.

The more confident I am in what I believe, the less I care about what others believe. Yes, trust me, I am always glad to have people around me who think as I do. There is a comfort in this. However, when I am confident in my way of thinking and doing, I don’t worry at all about what others are doing. After all, this is between me and Hashem. When I die, Hashem is not going to ask me about what that OTHER person did. And, I have plenty in my own life I can improve. So, whenever I start to feel like mentally dressing someone else down, I stop and take an emotional inventory. What is going on with ME right now that is making ME feel this way.

#5 I am not meant to, nor do I have to, be friends with everyone.

Judgment is not always bad. Some people are hostile. Some people are out to damage you. Some people don’t respect YOUR personal beliefs. Some people are just not the people you are meant to have in your life right now. Not all judgment is bad. Sometimes judgment (which I will call, instead, discernment) is what helps us rid ourselves of the people in our lives who are not helping us live according to Hashem’s plan.